


You and I

by FaerieDust4U



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-13 22:30:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21233471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaerieDust4U/pseuds/FaerieDust4U
Summary: In seeking truth, you have to know both sides of the story.One side will usually be the right one and the other wrong.But what if both sides are the truth?This is my story and his.Would you stay awhile and listen?Be warned  that this is not an ordinary story.





	1. Love

The doors opened and I see him enter the cafe - still beautiful as always. His photos doesn’t bring him any justice at all! If people thought he was glorious on photos, they have another thing coming. In reality his beauty, to put it simply, is like that of an angel – pure, mesmerizing and simply breathtaking.

  
He searched around through the crowd's faces until his eyes landed on mine. He had a ghostly smile on his lips and some sort of glitter in his eyes. I nervously let out a breath as I see him saunter towards the table I have reserved. He carefully took a seat across from me and I had to tell myself to keep it together.

  
**"Thank you for meeting me."** I managed a small smile.

  
He shook his head and smiled as well. "**It was not a problem. It’s the least I could do. I can't stay long though. Erm... so, how have you been doing?"**

  
**"Better! I’m... getting better or at least that’s what the doctor said. Is it okay for us to meet like this?"** I looked around for the media and well... _him_.

  
Jinhwan waved his hand in front of him. **"It’s fine. Hanbin is busy with Ani. I left him in the supermarket. Let me tell you that kid loves eggplant."**

  
**"Ani?"** I stiffened at the words. They were very new to me.

  
He fell silent. I forgot there were a few details I didnt know. I didnt ask and he never told. **"Ani is our firstborn."**

My mouth shaped into an O as the new knowledge surprised me. Now I understood why he couldn’t let Hanbin go nor can he. I suddenly felt even guiltier knowing this. **"I see. Can I be direct and ask you a question?"** When he gave a small nod, I cleared out my throat before saying **"Why do you love him? After everything."**

  
**"Why do you?"** He let out a sigh. I'm not sure if its out of irritation or frustration... or both. **"A wise man once told me that anybody can fall in love but to be IN that relationship is a choice. To continue loving a person after he has hurt you is a choice. To leave and give up is also a choice."** He leaned back on his chair and calmly stared at me.

  
"**Even if you know that person might hurt you again?**"

  
He gave me a sad smile as he played with the napkin on the table.** "Even then. Everyone has a choice. I just chose to stay and love him despite his shortcomings."**

  
**“Even if you still have doubts?”**

  
**“Yes, even then.”**

  
I stay silent for a few minutes and I just had to ask, **“Why?”**

  
Jinhwan breathed deeply and licked his dry lips. **“Are you asking me or for yourself?”** I gave him a confused look. **“Why, as in – why I keep fighting for him? Or why you didn’t?”**

  
I continue to stare at the man before me with awe. I could never be a match for him even if I was the first to occupy Hanbin’s heart. Jinhwan was made with something else. I honestly don’t know what to reply. And now you understand another quality Jinhwan has that made Hanbin love him.

  
**“I-… I guess I also made my choice. D****o you not hate me at all?”**

  
He scrunched up his nose. **“Hate is such a strong word but no. I dislike you for being first, for having that tiny space in his heart. Let’s face it Hanbin will always love you. You will always have that space and I… can’t do anything about it. So yes I dislike you.”**

  
**"I’m sorry.”** I replied guiltily and oddly satisfied. **“For what its worth, you’re not weak. A fool maybe but not weak. It takes guts to do what you do and to fight for a love you chose."**

  
"**You’re too kind but thank you for those words. I’m sorry too. Although I don’t know what I’ll do the next time it happens."** He gave me a knowing look as if telling me he knows something and I swallowed hard. **"Anyway I have to go. It was nice talking with you**." He languidly stood up and caressed his slightly protruding belly. He gave me a smile before bowing and walking out of the cafe.

I stare at his retreating back. Today seemed like a test to you with the information youre discovering one after another. '_He's having another baby.'_

Its a scratching feeling but its there. The guilt.

  
My heart skipped a beat when I saw the man who once made me go crazy.

_'There's no one like you Baby.'_ His deep sultry voice echoed in my head and I had to look away when he leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Jinhwan’s lips.

They looked happy and I felt a pang in my chest.

  
_'Stay calm. You’re okay.' _

  
I stretched my neck one more time to where they disappeared to and I suddenly forget how to breathe.

Hanbin was looking straight at **ME**.

The man still looked gorgeous even after all this time. My heart started racing, beating fast as if it was the first time I met him.

** _'SNAP OUT OF IT!!!'_ **

I hesitantly gave him a small smile and he tilted his head to the side and gave me the softest smile. I forced myself to look away from his hypnotizing gaze, any longer and I'd melt.

  
So am I really okay?

Is this really okay?

  
Who knows?


	2. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the one who broke you is the same one who can mend you.

**"Hyung! What the hell?"** Donghyuk looked around the messy room I was currently in.

Beer bottles were scattered around, the sheets were left in disarray, sleeping bottles by the bedside table and then theres me, leaning against the wall.  
  
**"C'mon! Get up! I thought the doctor said you were getting better. What the hell happened??"** Donghyuk held my arms and cursed at how thin theyve become. I leaned into his frame as I let him take care of me.  
  
**"I saw them. I thought I was getting better but they looked so happy and-... Dong am I stupid for letting him go? For not fighting for him? This hurts so much. I was the first he loved then he came into the picture.. Ah Shit!"** My sobs turned into a crying hum as I poured out every feeling - every goddamn heartache.  
  
Apart from my sessions with a psychiatrist, Donghyuk is the only one I talk to about my real feelings. He joined me in bed and enveloped me into a hug.  
  
**"Sshh rest Hyung. I'm here."** He secretly stashed the sleeping pills away and mentally noted to throw it all down the drain when he can. His heart ached for his brother but theres nothing much he can do.

He can only wait and hope for a better tomorrow.

* * *

* * *

Hanbin sighed heavily. It has been a month since everything blew up and he found himself alone in an empty house.  
  
A month since he last properly rested.

A month since he last saw him.  
  
He knew he was at fault. He drove Jinhwan to the edge and now he was paying the price. Who could blame the older? With the way things that happened leading up to that incident.  
  
He let out an exasperated sigh as he was once again greeted by the monotone voice of the operator. He threw his phone on the bed and sat on the edge.

He took a small toy airplane by the beside table and smiled weakly as he remembered how Jinhwan smiled brightly at the souvenir he got him. He sat there unmoving for a few minutes... or hours. Who was counting? He just sat there staring at the toy. Everything is empty - his house, his work, his life, his heart.

And their it was. It was subtle but he felt it.

The feeling that was slowly creeping inside him, clawing their sharp claws until he felt sick to the stomach. The feeling he so desperately tried to ignore.

  
_**FEAR.**_  
  
He was afraid of losing Jinhwan. The older is right, Jinhwan needed him and he needed Jinhwan. Without him he felt vulnerable and lost. He never really understood before why the older fought for him the way that he did but now he did. Now he was the one scared shitless of losing him.  
  
And he did the only thing he could think of. He scrolled through his phone and shakily dialed a number.  
  
_**"Hello?"**_

* * *

  
  
He hugged the blanket closer as a gush of cool breeze hit him. He curled even further into the chair, watching the sorrowful sunset before him.  
  
He heard a faint knock to which he quickly dismissed firmly, **"Go Away"**.

He loves his mother dearly but he just wanted to be alone and think. But the more that he does, the more painful it gets.

He closed his eyes and let the memories drift him away from the sad reality he was in - back to those days were they were at their happiest; back to those days when they were still very much in love.  
  
But they all end the same.  
  
Every memory leads to him leaving.  
  
_What did he do wrong?_  
  
_ Was it him?_  
  
_ Did he not sacrifice enough?_  
  
_ Was his love not worth fighting for?_  
  
Asking all these questions wouldnt matter. He still left.  
  
A tear fell down his eye and he wiped it gently. He sniffed as his vision became hazy with tears that quickly flooded his eyes. _'Ah shit. Here we go again.'_

**"Baby?"** The deep sultry voice he knew down to his bones echoed in that small veranda and his head turned so fast that it would have snapped.

  
**"What are you doing here?"** He looked away and quickly fixed himself, not wanting to show his vulnerable state.  
  
Hanbin approached Jinhwan, careful not to drive him away. **"Can we talk?"** When he didnt hear a reply, he invaded the small haven the older was huddled in; kneeling in front of the layers of blanket. **"Babe?"**  
  
**"I let you go. Why are you back?"** Jinhwan was hiding beneath the covers. He cant bare to look at his lovers face.  
  
**"I'm sorry. You were right. Just as you need me, I need you. And I can't lose you. I can't."**  
  
**"I've heard that before. And you always leave and go back to him. You dont fail to make me remember that I'll always come second. What's the point, huh? Why fight a losing battle?"** Jinhwans voice cracked and Hanbin could see the little mound of blanket shaking.  
  
As soon as he touched it, the shaking stopped. He slowly rubbed the blanket and Hanbin felt the older leaning to his touch. **"It's different this time. I won't leave. Please Baby. Give me one more chance."**  
  
Jinhwans head slowly popped out, his face thin with dark bags under his eyes. He searched the youngers eyes before shaking his head and cried. Just as he did before, hes willing to give him another chance and he felt stupid for being swayed. His sobs became louder when he felt Hanbin beside, hugging him tight. **"I hate you! I hate you!"**  
  
**"I'm sorry Baby. Never again. Shh I'm here. I love you Jinani. Don't leave me. I can't lose you... and this.**" Hanbin caressed the older's belly as he fell into that comfortable peace - the peace he only ever experiences with Jinhwan.  
  
Even if he knew at the back of his head Hanbin would do it again, Jinhwan clinged to him for his dear life. He still held on, letting himself be fooled once again.

Hanbin is the one he needs.

For he's the one holding all the pieces of Jinhwan's broken heart.

He's the only one who can make him whole.


	3. Torment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is constantly asking ourselves if we're doing the right thing.

The urge to vomit was strong as he waited. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, trying to think.

What do he say?

Hello?

Hi?

**"Sir, would you like to order something to drink?"** A waitress approached him and he abruptly turned to the woman hovering over him.

**"Uh... No. no thank you." **He declined politely.

The cards were on his table. It was his turn – to move or to pass.

* * * * *

I could tell with the constant searching that Jinhwan nervously looked around for any sign of me.

He had been trying to contact me for weeks and I tried to ignore it the best that I could but his sudden texts and calls made me curious. And when I did finally pick up, I could hear his relieved sigh. It was a long shot but he felt like he had no other choice.

I peeked through the restaurants side.

_What was I even doing here?_

To be honest I’m a wreck. His pictures really never do him justice. Everything, I mean everything, was perfect about him and dear lord even the back of his head looked gorgeous.

I took a deep breath and tried to relax my body. Tried being the word here. _‘C’mon get it together._’ My hands were shaking when I pushed the door and asked the waiter for a reservation name.

I swallowed hard as I was approaching that god forsaken table. I glanced back at the door and wanted to run away but the faint announcement of my arrival made him abruptly turn to my direction.

He stared at me for a long time before giving me the forced small smile. He gestured for the seat across him and I calmly took the offer. As soon as I sat down, I let go of that tight grip on my sling bag I didn’t know I was doing.

As he stared at me, I too stared at the ethereal beauty that sat across from me. I understood why Hanbin fell in love with him - the supermodel Kim Jinhwan. I reprimanded myself to stop ogling and focus on what I really came for.

He hesitantly open and closed his mouth before offering me something to drink. **"Wou-would you like... something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Juice maybe? They have great mix here."**

**FOCUS. **

I shake my head. **"We both know we don’t really need to stay in each other’s presence longer than we should. Why did you ask me to come?"**

He pursed his lips and folded his hands on his lap. I can tell he was nervous. Heck even I was. **"I could see why he liked you. You’re so handsome... and headstrong. Quite the opposite of my personality... I’ll get to the point. Leave Hanbin."**

Were my ears deceiving me? Did I hear it right? "**Excuse me, what??"**

**"I didn’t stutter, did I? Leave him."**

I faked a small laugh and shook my head. **"Why should I? I love him as much as you claim to."**

Jinhwan paused and stared at me**. "I need him and try as he might to deny, he needs me too. You may have been in his life before me but I was there during his dark days. I was there when he was so lost he couldn’t think straight. I was the one who picked up the pieces you broke and let me tell you, you broke him real good. Where were you then?"** His lips quivered and he forced back the tears that threatened his eyes. **"I’m sorry. I don’t like this anymore than you but right now my hands are tied. He won’t leave you so I’m asking you to leave him."**

For some unknown reason, what he's doing right now pissed me off. Jinhwan is a cunning and intelligent man, at least that’s the Jinhwan I know but the one before me was someone weak and lost. Why is he throwing away his life like this? **“Why are you doing this much? Why are you foolishly asking me this? How about your career? You’re throwing everything away?”**

He chuckled.** “I’m willing to give up my career if it means he’d stay with me. Stupid, right?”**

Yes it was stupid but I couldn’t bring myself to say something because what I am doing can also be considered as such. We were both stupid and I secretly laughed bitterly to myself because here we are fighting over one guy who can’t keep his dick in his pants but none of us refused to let go.

**"Are you happy?" **I asked truthfully.

He heaved out a heavy sigh. **"I've read somewhere that when you love, you are in constant state of anxiety, like when you are in a battlefield. You lay awake most nights asking yourself if you're doing the right thing. And you never really believe it until you fall in love. Until you meet that one person. That person for me is Hanbin."**

**"You're asking me if I'm happy? No, not really but I'm still willing to try because loving someone isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Loving someone is accepting them for who they are, even if sometimes they unconsciously hurt you. So the real question now isn't if I'm happy. The real question here is, ** **are you willing to do anything to keep your love going? Are you willing to sacrifice, maybe even everything, to have his love? Because if you answer no to even at least one of those questions, all the more that I'll ask for you to leave him. Y-..."**

His gaze made my whole existence tremble right now. **"LEAVE HIM." **

Heavy.

His words are heavy that its making me sick. 

I can't do this. 

I can't breathe.

**"I’m sorry. I- I don’t know what to tell you... I’m sorry but I’m going to have to think about this. This is all so overwhelming."** I made to stand but he grabbed my wrist and gripped it a bit hard.

Jinhwan’s brows knit and he bit his lip**. "I have never ever... begged for anything in my life BUT I’m begging you now. Leave him. Please. I’d go down on my knees if I have to."** And he did. He was on his knees, gripping my wrist, begging.

I swallow the lump on my throat as my heart goes out to him. I looked up and saw people were starting to stare at us and I start to panic. I held his arms and urged him to stand. **"Jinhwan please don’t. I- I have to go." **

**"Please. Please... I’m begging you! I need him!"** His tears streamed down his face. **"I need-.. I...”** He couldn’t finish what he wanted to say as his world turned black and his body fell forward.

I caught him just before he hit the floor.

_Shit!_

**"Call an ambulance now!!"**

* * * * *

Jinhwan’s eyes slowly fluttered open and his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. He pushed himself up and touched his throbbing head. "**Where am I?"**

**"You’re at the nearest clinic."** I answered.

He turned to me and gasped. **"Uhm... thank you. You didn’t have to stay with me. Sorry I haven’t been getting proper sleep lately.”**

**"I wanted to know something before leaving."** I felt guilty because I know that I’m partly the reason of his sleepless nights. I’m part of the reason of his messy predicament. He nodded his petite head with enlarged hopeful eyes. **"He told me months ago that he ended your relationship with you."**

And there.

He didn’t need to answer because the look he gave me was enough – it was of pity and something else akin to shock. **"We never separated. There were rocky months and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told him to leave but he comes back, begging for forgiveness."**

I gave him a confused look. **"He kept going back??"**

He nodded. **"He refused to end things with me. I guess the difference this time is that I’m refusing to let him go. I’m not giving him up after what we have been through... but-"** He inhaled a sharp intake of breath. **"You didn’t know. He’s always told you it was over between us."**

I clenched my fists hard as it all made sense.

The long business trips.

The sudden late calls from work.

Oh what a fool I have been. **"I... I have to go."** I hurriedly left ignoring Jinhwan calling out my name.

I apologized to the doctor I bumped into on my way out. This is too much for me. Too much.

I had to get out.

* * *

The doctor held out his hand to Jinhwan. "Hello Mr. Kim. My name is Dr. Zandra. You seem to have fainted earlier."

Jinhwan shook her hand as he gave the doctor a weak smile. "I was... just tired."

"I see. Well you'll be glad to know that your baby is fine. Although I'd suggest you take proper rest and eat healthier, if you plan to carry this baby that is." 

He touched his belly and heaved a sigh of relief. A small smile crept up his lips and nodded to the doctor. "Of course. I'll do my best Doctor. Thank you."

* * *

* * *

**"Baby!! Talk to me!!"** Hanbin shouted from outside our house. **"Please!!"**

My hand gripped the doorknob as every shout he did pierced my heart. I was about to open it when the door was pushed back forcibly. I turned to the side and saw Donghyuk with his jaw clenched. **"Don’t Hyung."**

**"But-"** I winced as he called out for my name, shouting at the top of his lungs. God I wanted to run to him but this has to be done. All the lies has to stop.

**"I will go and talk to him. You stay inside."** Donghyuk rubbed my shoulders and I nod. I leaned against the door as soon as he was out the door. This <strike>was</strike> is for the best. I quiet my sobs as I hear them arguing outside. All I could do is curl into a ball, hugging myself; forcing myself not to go and run back to him.

**“Where is he??! I need to talk to him!”** Hanbin almost shouted when he saw Donghyuk approach him **“Dong please.”**

Donghyuk gave him an unconvinced look and shook his head. **“You need to go. It's late at night and people are sleeping Hyung.”**

Hanbin paced back and forth refusing to leave**. “No. We need to talk. Stay out of this Dong. BABE IF YOU DON’T COME OUT THEN I'M GOING TO MAKE NOISE UNTIL I WAKE UP EVERYONE HERE!”**

**“You never learn do you? You’re always so selfish. He doesn’t want to see you anymore! You need to leave.”** Donghyuk hissed. He glanced at the few residents who was already peeking through their windows to see what the noise all about was.

**“NO! HE SAYS THAT BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT HE’LL COME BACK. WE NEED TO TALK BABE!! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME. YOUR'-”** Hanbin trudged backwards as Donghyuk's fist hit him square in the nose. He cursed as he felt warm liquid trickle down his nose. **“FUCK!”**

Donghyuk grabbed him by the arm and shoved him inside his car. **“Don’t come back here ever again. He doesn’t want to see you anymore. If I see you again, I’m calling the police. Got it?”** He slammed the car door as hard as he could before going back inside the house.

Hanbin slammed his hand on the wheel before wiping the blood from his nose. He glanced at their house one last time before driving away.

I watch him drive away with a heavy heart. We both knew that sooner or later we would have to have a proper talk about it but right now I just can’t be with him.

* * *

Jinhwan flinched as the door banged. He saw an angry looking Hanbin approach him and grab him by the collar. “**Babe? Are you okay? Your nose-”**

**“What did you tell him?!”**

**“The truth. About us.”**

He snarled before letting the collar go and backed away as if he’d get burned being in Jinhwan’s vicinity. **“Fuck!”**

Jinhwan stared at Hanbin in disbelief. **“You’re not even denying anything. Wow. I don’t know what to say anymore Hanbin. I have tried everything. I’m tired of having to wait until you come to me for your own convenience. I’m not just anyone... I’m-”** He paused as the tears he had been holding back rolled down his cheek. His heart was being crushed every second that he looks at the man whom he thought he loved – still loves.

Hanbin let out a frustrated sigh and kept his silence.

**“Get out.”** Jinhwan chocked out.

**“You can’t make me.”** Came the reply of the younger.

How much more does Jinhwan have to take? How much more? His heart is tired and any more, he’d probably go crazy. **“GET. OUT.”**

Hanbin looked at him as if he was crazy. **“You’re joki-”**

**“GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!!!!”** Jinhwan was shaking as he repeatedly yelled the words.

**“FINE!”** Hanbin grabbed his keys and left, leaving Jinhwan to crumble to the floor. He hated himself because as soon as the younger utters the words _‘I’m sorry’_, he knew he was going to take him back.

He covered his mouth to not let his sobs get any louder and the more he suppresses it, the more his heart was stabbed over and over again.


	4. Provoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain changes people. It makes them trust less, overthink more and shut people out.
> 
> And yet why do I still stay?

We just recently patched things up, much to Donghyuk’s dismay, and yet I found myself sitting at our living room - waiting.

Tonight I made up my mind and although I know this isn’t going to end well, I’m still decided to do it.

I heard the sound of the door opening and I almost forgot what I wanted to do as soon as I saw him - the ever so handsome him. Something kicked my insides and I was reminded what I <strike>wanted</strike> needed to do. I coughed lightly to let my presence known and he gave me a small smile.

**"So... Jinhwan."**

**"What? What are you talking about?"** His brows furrowed as he placed down his bag.

**"I thought you said you’ve ended things with him."**

He loosened his tie and shook his head. **"Jesus. Why are we doing this again?"**

I sigh deeply and harshly threw the phone in his direction, not caring if it broke. It landed on the floor with a solid crack. He picks it up and rubs his forehead. **"Don’t lie to me."**

Hanbin scowled at me and I could feel his temper sparked. He checks the phone and the words _'I love you. See you soon.'_ flashed on the tiny screen. **"Why did you go through my phone?"**

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. **"You _LEFT_ your phone here. Why wouldn’t I look at it when clearly it was begging to be opened?" **

I braced myself for the coming confrontation. I’m usually patient with these kind of things but today was just too much for me. I’m tired from work and then this comes up. It’s just...

**"So you just look at other peoples belongings just because they are out in the open?? Are we seriously having this conversation again? Can’t you trust me a little? We already talked about this."** Hanbin said through gritted teeth, trying to keep his temper in check.

**"And you always say the same fucking thing. Why I still choose to believe you is beyond me! When will you admit that you’re still together? You can’t have it all Hanbin. What are we doing here?? Aren’t we in a relationship?"** I inwardly gasped as I saw him let out a frustrated sigh.

Hanbin was seething in anger. He had his jaw clenched so tight that I could see veins popping from his neck**. "Fine. You want the truth? Yes I’m still seeing him and yes we are still together. Why? Because he’s the one who is always there for me. He’s the one who was there to pick up the pieces. DO NOT FORGET WHO LEFT WHO FIRST! YOU KNEW IT DEEP DOWN AND YOU PUT ALL THE BLAME ON ME?! WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU, HUH?!"**

I flinched at his every word.

Hanbin seldom gets angry but when he does, it always leaves me shaken and broken.

And Yes, where was I?

I was busy chasing my dream. It was a choice between him or my work. I obviously chose the latter and well... this is where we are now. I swallow the lump of regret that formed on my throat**. "And you never fail to make me remember. YES! I CHOSE MY WORK OVER YOU!! FOR OUR FUTURE! But you couldn’t understand that and ran to the first person who opened his legs for you!! Want to make a bet you’d go straight to him after this?!"**

**"DO. NOT. INSULT. HIM. Say whatever you want about me but don’t ever make the mistake of saying something about him. At least with him I have what I never had and felt with you - A HOME."** Hanbin hissed, his grip on the phone stronger by the minute passed.

My heart stopped beating and dropped. So this was it what it all boils down to. **"Oh… so we go back to this again?? I told you I wasn’t ready to have kids and that I wanted to achieve my dream. You said that was okay.... Am I not enough?"** I closed my eyes out of anger, hurt and frustration.

Why is it always my fault? Was it so wrong to want to pursue my dream job? I opened my eyes as I hear the juggling of keys and heavy footsteps.

**"I don’t need this."** Hanbin was gathering his things and heading for the door.

I panicked seeing him leave. **"Where are you going??"**

**"Out. Don’t bother waiting up."** He glared at me one last time before leaving. I jumped as I hear the loud bang of the door.

I stared to where he disappeared to in the shadows - my heavy breathing the only comfort the silent room had to offer. _'Shit!'_

And as usual, I scramble for my phone to send him a text.

* * *

* * *

A very quiet and dark house greeted him and he cursed. All he wanted was to relax after a tiring day. Today was testing him and he's at his limit.

The sound of keys opening the door broke his thoughts.

**"Hanbin?" **

He looked back and gave Jinhwan a small smile. **"Hey."**

Jinhwan sighed and dropped his bags, closing the door**. "I thought... I didn’t know you'd be here today so I didn’t come home early. If I had known I would have prepared something at least. I’m sorry."**

The younger shook his head. **"It’s okay. Work finished earlier than expected so I changed my flight and rushed here. I wasn’t able to inform you. I’m sorry Baby."** The lie silently screaming through it all.

**"I see. Have you eaten? If you can wait I'll make you something."** Jinhwan hesitantly smiled and approached Hanbin, giving his arm a squeeze.

The younger only nodded and just when Jinhwan passed by, he pulled the older and back hugged him. He rested his head at the crook of Jinhwan’s neck and nuzzled his face, inhaling the olders smell. He breathed out a comfortable sigh - his anger dissipating instantly.

Jinhwan could already feel his body giving in as he relaxed his back against Hanbin’s solid frame and reached up to tussle the youngers hair. They stayed that way for a few minutes.

**"Something wrong?"** Jinhwan turned to the side to plant a kiss on Hanbin’s temple to which made the younger tighten his hold on Jinhwan’s waist.

**"Nothing. I just want to stay like this for a while. I have missed you. I’m sorry I’m such a dick lately."** He managed to mumble against Jinhwan’s neck.

The older chuckled as Hanbin’s breath tickled him**. "I missed you too. Come and sit while I prepare you something."** He half dragged Hanbin towards the dining table and sat him down.

When he was about to go to the kitchen, Hanbin gently grabbed his hand and placed a long kiss at the back of it. **"I love you. You know that right?"**

Jinhwan smiled and Hanbin’s heart skipped a beat. **"Of course and I love you too Binnie."**

He watched his little fairy in the kitchen and thought how lucky he is.

God what was he doing? Jinhwan deserved better but he can’t bring himself to end things.

A loud beep from his phone grabbed his attention and he stood up, letting Jinhwan know that he was going to quickly take a call.

He didn’t noticed the older square his shoulders and forced a smile.

Jinhwan wasn’t stupid.

He knew exactly what’s going on.

And so he must do what should have been done.

It was long overdue.


	5. Repudiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denying the truth doesn't change the facts.

**"Oh! You’re here!"** Hanbin startled me as he stood by the doorway. I just came out of the bathroom and was drying my hair when I saw him.

Hanbin just smirked and approached me, grabbing my waist and planting a steamy kiss on my lips.

**"Mm."** I instantly melted against him and grabbed his collar, pulling him closer. He pulled back and teasingly licked his lips. I tilted my head to the side and ran my hands through his chest. **"I knew you couldn’t stay away. Go shower and we'll continue this kiss... and more."**

I pushed him towards the direction of the bathroom. Clueless, he chuckled and shook his head. If he was going to be here, I’d prefer not smelling him. Hanbin doesn’t notice but I do.

I was about finished drying my hair when a hand touched my shoulder. I smiled as I felt soft lips plant kisses on my neck. I turn to the side and was met with eager lips.

It ended as soon as it started.

He got off me and put on a shirt. A sound beeped in the room and he phished out his phone from his bag. He sat on the sofa across from the bed and he elicited a small chuckle before biting his lower lip.

The sound barely echoed in the room. But I heard it. My smile faltered as I watch him. He only ever smiles like that when it’s _Him_. I felt a dull poke in my chest and I breathed in deep.

He suddenly cursed and sent me an apologetic smile. **"I’m sorry Babe. Something came up with work."** He started putting back his clothes and gathered his things.

**"At this hour?"** I glanced at the clock that read 11pm.

**"Yeah sorry. Ill text you okay?"** He hastily pecked my lips and I was left to stare at his retreating back.

I sighed as I was again left in an empty bed.

My mind started to wander.

How long ago has it been?

* * *

_My eyes widened as I saw who was entering the bar. I pretended not to see him and averted my gaze towards the bartender who asked if I wanted a refill. _

** _"Make that two."_ ** _ Hanbin sat on the stool, three seats apart from me._

_I raised my brow and looked around. **"Out of all the places to sit, you chose to sit here?"**_

_He smirked and proceeded to loosen his tie. **"Oh you’re so full of yourself huh? This was the closest one to the bartender."**_

** _"Oh."_ **

_And he laughed. God that laugh. **"I’m kidding! No lie about the bartender. The handsome man across from him is definitely a plus though."**_

_I gave him a glare but that soon turned into a smile as he raised his glass towards me. I nodded and raised mine. **"Cheers."**_

_He drowned the liquid in one go and set the glass back down firmly, asking for another round. **"So! Congratulations on being CEO! It’s all over the news by the way."**_

_I chuckled and nodded. **"Thanks... and I heard... you got married. Congrats. That was all over the news as well."**_

_A ghost smile painted his lips as he again drowned the glass. **"Thanks. 2 years."**_

** _"You don’t sound happy."_ ** _ I took a sip but watched him from the rim of the glass. _

_He shrugged before popping a pistachio in his mouth. **"I am... just not lately. Anyway! What brings you here? Handsome man as yourself alone in a bar."**_

_"I have needs and I came here to look for some fun." And it was the truth. There was no need to bullshit with him. He reached out an arm and I gasped. **'Shit he’s going to touch me.'** _

_To my disappointment, he was merely reaching for the pistachio bucket that was near me. I bit my lip. What did I expect? A kiss? Well, maybe? _

_I heard him chuckle and I look to where he sat. Wrong move. His chest was right in front of me. I didn’t even notice he stood up to lean against the counter. **"Well good thing the fun is right beside you."** _

_I gulped as I realized he was dangerously close. **"Hanbin. You know what kind of fun I’m looking for. And you’re married."**_

** _"Think of it as a reunion of sorts and congratulatory 'dinner'."_ ** _ He was not a man who’d go in circles. If Hanbin wanted you, he’d make sure he'd let you know. And right now his fingers playing at the small of my back sends my desire pooling at the pit of my stomach. **"Besides isn’t it polite to say hi to an ex-boyfriend?"**_

** _"You’re such an asshole. I’d tell you on your husband."_ ** _ It was supposed to be a threat but the smile that crept up on my lips betrayed me. I turned my stool around to fully face him._

_Hanbin smirked. **"No you won’t."** I couldn’t even retort as soft lips pressed firmly against mine, lulling me into the spiders web._

* * *

My heart refuses to acknowledge what my mind already knows but I still cling to his empty promises and the lies that he spins. Because it’s all I <strike>have</strike> will ever have.

And that was a year ago.

A year since that night - the night I became his mistress.

* * *

* * *

**“Babe? I’m home. I received your texts!”** Hanbin called out as soon as he arrived home.

A small head popped out from the kitchen and he was greeted by a squeal and a tight hug. He chuckled as he was welcomed by kisses all over his face. **“HI!”**

**“Did you just come from the airport? You could have just taken the earliest flight tomorrow you know.”** Hanbin hugged the petite man that’s his husband.

Jinhwan rushed home to confirm his suspicions and there was absolutely no need to tell that to Hanbin. His gut, which is usually never wrong; although this time he wished it was, is telling him Hanbin’s having an affair. It also doesn’t help when you know someone who knows him and sees him with another man. Word gets around fast but he knew the signs. After all he used to play the game that is until he met Hanbin.

Jinhwan beamed at him. **“I wanted to come home to you as soon as possible. I was sad when you weren’t here.” **

Hanbin longingly stared at him and leaned down to kiss his forehead. **“It’s not really home if you’re not here. So I prefer to stay out because I’ll just miss you more if I hang around here. I already miss you enough.”**

**“I love you.”** The older was on his toes, craning his neck upwards.

And Hanbin knew exactly what he wanted. He leaned down to meet his awaiting lips. **“I love you too.”**

**“I am home.”**

The younger pecked Jinhwan’s lips one more time before genuinely smiling. **“Welcome home, Baby.”** He tightly hugged the older, taking pleasure at the body contact that he didn’t know he craved.

_‘Now this feels like home.’_


	6. A Letter

Dear Readers,

Did I confuse you with the timeline? If you werent then thats good! If you were, I am here to help you understand. 

This story is about how he fought for the love that is rightfully his and how I wished for a love that was once mine. 

I urge you to read our story again but this time, start reading from the **last chapter to the first**. For this story depicts the **_Five Stages of Grief_** \- our Grief.

> **Denial** \- We were in denial. Jinhwan refused to acknowledge my existence and I refused to believe they were still together.
> 
>   
**Anger** \- I became selfish and I used my anger to make Hanbin choose. I realized I had no right to. It was his.
> 
>   
**Bargaining** \- I dont need to really explain whats the feeling of him, the legal husband, wanting to meet me, the other man / mistress ; and how he went down-.. I dont want to remember this part.
> 
>   
**Depression** \- Its hard to let go of someone you love. Its even harder when I knew he'll never choose me.
> 
>   
**Acceptance** \- I accepted the fact that there was never an us. There was only them. Hanbin will always choose Jinhwan becaualse he is whom he needs; whom he dearly loves and cant live without. I was just simply a temporary replacement.

Love is a choice. And we all made one.

Should you relive our story once more or remember them in your memories, the choice is up to you. 

You have been warned. This is no ordinary story.

I hope this letter brings understanding to all this mess. 

Thank you for taking the time to read our story. Im sure Hanbin and Jinhwan are as well, wherever they are.

Until we meet again and I sincerely hope its not under the same circumstances.

From I,

Yunhyeong


End file.
